The Problem In Relationships… Wouldn’t You Like to Know?

The Problem In Relationships… Wouldn’t You Like to Know?

All of my messages are derived from a Unity consciousness, which speaks to me always. Through this gift, I am able to experience my love for you. My love for you which is true, real and pure. You are loved.


There is one theme, one commonality among the downfall of all relationships and it has to do with focus.

Focus is a choice

Being human is hard. Living this life is hard and much of our lives are spent worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Especially when we find something good. We go through a lot of shit and all of that experience makes it that much harder to believe That something can actually be good. Bad experiences have a tendency to make us downright paranoid. As soon as we catch feelings, we go on alert and pull back. We become very cautious.

Protect your heart

so, we weigh The pros and the cons, the pluses and the minuses, the good and the bad. We measure, we observe, we predict and we come to conclusions. But, conclusions based on what?

See, you’ve got to understand what happens when we see something good. Something really good. Something we really want. Something that actually makes us feel vulnerable. It’s a very scary thing. Good things don’t come along that often, especially in relationships… Ironically, this is exactly the culprit of sabotage.

We see something good. Something we want. But as soon as we start to feel vulnerable, we can taste the defeat on our lips. We can smell the disappointment and we remember the what it feels like when our heart sinks. We are reminded of our pains. Of all the times we got our hopes up, only to be crushed. We associate love with pain. Hence, vulnerability feels like danger and in response to the first sign of danger, all the defense mechanisms, walls, barricades and protective shields go up. Nothing can get in or out. Not pain and not love. We feel like we need protection. But ironically, this type of fight or flight response is a recipe for doom.


You cannot prevent pain by putting your walls up. You cannot prevent relationship issues with statistics. Putting a time requirement on relationship milestones is not going to ensure anything. Holding back doesn’t ensure anything. I will tell you what your best bet is. To be authentically you. When you feel love, be as true to that as you can. Don’t be so quick to doubt. Don’t be so quick to think it’s too good to be true. When you doubt, you act differently. You’re not as trusting, you’re not as kind and that energy gets through to your partner whether you know it or not. It affects all of your interactions, your response to them and their response to you.

Being vulnerable is a necessary evil. And I say this, not because being vulnerable is bad, but because we have given into a skewed perception that believes it to be bad. Even if you think it’s bad to be vulnerable, it is still necessary, because you can’t love without it. And what is a life without love?


Let me explain why vulnerablity is so crucial. It is a necessary component to love and the love to vulnerability ratio is always going to be 1:1. They are parallel. The reason is because vulnerability is a pure vibration. You have to be vulnerable in order to bear your true self. Vulnerability is a component of authenticity. Anything else is a construct of the ego filtered through a perception that is calculating risk. When we are calculating risk, we are making our decisions, our thoughts, words and actions based on that, as opposed to who we truly are authentically.

Simply put, If you are calculating risk, you cannot be yourself. If your core vibration is calculating risk in the expectation that something will probably go wrong, you’ve just put a wrench in the whole system and you are probably going to find evidence of what you most deeply suspect, regardless if it’s the actual truth.

So, here is the key. Where is your focus? As soon as we feel vulnerable, we start freaking out, getting scared and it brings our attention to all of the things that can potentially go wrong. We think about those things so that we can prepare and brace ourselves in some way. So that we can dodge a bullet and basically, not get hurt. As soon as we see our own vulnerability, we see the risk and start preparing for it. This is all for not because this game plan is actually not the most strategic formula for prevention. In reality, it is quite the contrary. You get what you think about the most and you get what you most expect. This is a reality on so many levels, but it’s even been proven on a subconscious level. That our conscious mind is controlled by the beliefs of the subconscious mind. It is the job of the subconscious mind to prove us right. Whatever you believe most strongly is what you will get, because you will actually be acting in accordance with what is most true for you, in your mind. You will be looking for the evidence and interpreting everything that you see, through that expectation.

When you start focusing on the negative, you will see evidence of what you are most strongly focused upon. Negative focus is like a guarantee that you will find what you are focused upon. this is reflected in the relationship. If you focus negatively, you will always find what you are looking for.

It’s a funny thing because when you filter your perception through a lense that is negative, you will find more of that just by virtue of your energetic standpoint. the opposite is also true. Start focusing positively. Look at all of the good and you will find it! When your focus is rooted in appreciation, suddenly, there are less problems! You notice less problems, you choose to let things go more easily, you pick your battles and because your energy actually has an affect on your partner, there’s actually less problems That arise to begin with. But regardless of what comes up, a positively focused standpoint is the key to minimizing all forms of negativity in a relationship. Where’s your focus?


We go through so much. We get hurt. We get scarred and after that, it’s really tough to believe In the good. It just is. But let’s take this to the next level. What if you’ve been through so much crap that you use it to fuel your appreciation for the good things that come your way. We can all get scared. But you have a choice. Every time that you feel afraid and you start pondering what can go wrong,  just bask in the appreciation for the positive aspects. That’s the reason you became afraid in the first place. Because you know you found something good. Something desirable. Something that you haven’t found before. So do not allow yourself to forget that. Do not allow yourself to focus negatively. Do not allow yourself to squander the goodness that has shown itself to you. Do not allow yourself to lower the chances of you actually getting what you want. It’s just an unnecessary risk. What’s going to happen is going to happen, no matter how strategic you think that you are. Honor the good things that come your way by #1 recognizing them as such and #2 cultivating an energetic environment that facilitates positive growth. You can do this by not polluting the energy with fear, doubt and entertaining ideas that don’t serve you or the relationship. If you are going to be in a relationship, you might as well give it the best chance its got, right?!

It doesn’t mean turn a blind eye. It doesn’t mean don’t use your brain. It means give it a good, honest chance. It means be conscious of your fears, expectations and make an effort to minimize your negative energetic input and to maximize your positive energetic input, because the difference in these energies are the difference between, not only the quality of your relationship, but literally, the life or death of it.

Don’t be so quick to come to negative conclusions. Don’t be so eager to take offense. The easiest way to see clearly is when you aren’t letting your ego and your fears be the lens that you view everything through. Know that you are loved. Focus positively. Don’t spend time pondering doom and gloom scenarios. Practice positive expectations. It will help you avoid sabotaging a good thing.

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We are all in this together, I am here for you.


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