Valentine’s Day is my favorite. Happy V-Day…
All of my messages are derived from a Unity consciousness, which speaks to me always. Through this gift, I am able to experience my love for you. My love for you which is true, real and pure. I have no expectations, I just love you.
I discovered my fear of intimacy, and I wasn’t expecting it. I thought If I had any fears, it wasn’t of intimacy. Fear of intimacy manifests differently for everyone. It can be in the form of holding back. Reservations about falling in love, inability to communicate emotions, having trouble with physical touch, showering together, fear of moving too fast, or with falling asleep in someone’s arms…
Intimacy is hard. You have to open yourself up to judgement. To rejection. All the things that you don’t like about yourself, you have to let someone else see them. All of your fears, someone is watching. Someone is seeing you, the good, the bad and all that is there to be seen. You become transparent. It’s really hard to dissolve. To be ok with it. I realized that I don’t want to be seen. Literally. It’s something I can’t explain. Not being able to look someone in the eye when you think they are seeing you. Hoping that as you walk by, that they aren’t seeing you… All I can think about is what if all other people are seeing about me is my flaws? What if that’s all they can see?
Every blemish. Every imperfection. What if they see that and they don’t see who I am? What if they don’t accept my deepest truth? That is the fear.
It’s hard to just be ok about it, when you don’t feel ok in your own skin. Them looking at you, seeing you, hearing you, knowing your deepest thought. What you really think on an emotional level. Your hurts, your pains and why they are holding you back now. There;s so many things we don’t want to admit, things we even hide from ourselves. Getting to the heart of those things and overcoming them is so much harder than what I have ever experienced. I thought I was over my fears, then, so many of them decided to come up to be seen. I guess we can only deal with so much at one time. We can only transcend so much at one time. That’s why things come up when we think we are through with them. I have things to work on, but I can do it. I can be free and open and totally ok with being seen. I will…
Because I am divine and beautiful and there is nothing that can change that truth.
To be seen. To be known. What it means to be truly vulnerable. The scariest thing in the world. You don’t even know how scary until you are facing it, yourself. Until you love someone and you realize that they are actually seeing you, and you care. There are parts of ourselves that we don’t know, recognize or understand. Parts that are buried deep, under many layers of denial. Those things come up when you love someone. Your deepest fears, fears you didn’t even know you had, come to the surface to rock the boat and be seen. It’s actually a good thing. You can transcend what you can see. You can’t overcome what you don’t see. You must face your fears in order to overcome them. Someone has to show you your deepest shadows, so that you can overcome. Love is such a gift. My heart is overcome with love for you. My adoration has no beginning and no end. I love that you showed me, myself. I love that you made me vulnerable. I’m glad that you allowed me to see my fear of intimacy. But still lies the question, can I let you see me? Not can you see me, not am I willing, but how do I even do that? How do I let go? How do I melt into you with no reservations about it? How do I dissolve my ego, when the ego tricks me? The ego convinces me of things I don’t need. Like intimacy. Like to be seen. The ego convinces me that I am all of these things that I am not. I have to look closely at my heart to find what is true.
I want you. I want to let you see me. I want to melt into you, peacefully. But, I don’t know how…
I suppose I am treading new waters. I will set my eyes upon this goal. To be myself, with no reservations. To be seen, no matter what. To be myself and to love myself for it. To be seen and to love to be seen. We are switching perspectives now. We are traveling into the new. Into what is wanted. We are practicing a vibration of love, acceptance and melding together. I can’t be myself if I can’t be myself with you. I learn myself through you. I know myself because of the way I feel when I’m with you. You give me so much and I want to be free. I want to be free to love you and to accept all of your love. I want to be like puddy in your hands. I want to let you shine your warmth upon me. I want to feel your love. I want to accept every good thing you project to me, and not deflect your love with my fear. I don’t want your love to bounce off of me, I want to receive it. I don’t want you to feel my fear, I want you to feel my love.
I think that when it comes to intimacy, we must set our intentions. By default we are experiencing fear. With intention we can experience all of the love that we want to experience. Set your intention, set your mind, set your goal and act upon it every day. Look your lover in the eyes and receive their love. If you should look away, do not look away in fear. Never look away from that which you love. Keep your gaze upon it and allow yourself to feel love. Allow yourself to melt. Allow love to be projected onto you, without avoiding it, fearing it or deflecting it. Let yourself have what you really want. Focus your intention to love and be loved. All the way…
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